Disaster. The only word you really need to describe Roland Emmerich’s last film 10,000 BC. But like a weeble wobble, Emmerich just won’t lie down. He’s back, doing what he does best – knocking stuff down. He is, after all, the man who gave us Independence Day, Godzilla,, and The Day After Tomorrow.

A scientist in India has discovered that the Earth is getting hot, right at its core. Really hot. Apparently the Mayans warned us this might happen years ago, but did we listen? Did we heck. He tells his friend Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) – a US government scientist, who then informs the White House big wigs. With the data in, it appears that nothing can be done to prevent this global catastrophe from happening. In a few years time, in the year 2012, the world will end.

Instead of informing the people of the world of their impending doom, the government sets out a programme to build huge vessels, known as arks, which would allow some really smart people to survive, as well as some really rich types whose money helped fund the project. If you aren’t on the Ark list however, then you are truly buggered.

Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) is a struggling novelist. He’s had one of his novels published, but since then he’s had to supplement his income by being a limo driver for a wealthy Russian. Although divorced from his wife Kate (Amanda Peet) – who is now living with plastic surgeon Gordon (Thomas McCarthy), Jackson still likes to be a hands on dad with their two kids.

One weekend he takes them on a camping trip to Yellowstone Park. However, he soon discovers that the lake that was once there, is there no longer. Not only that, the army have cordoned off the entire area. Even though they get caught by the army for snooping, Helmsey lets them go – it just so happens he’s a fan of the book Curtis wrote. Huh, who would have thought it?

On their way back from the area, they’re stopped by Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson), who asks them what they saw. He’s interested because he’s been monitoring the coming’s and going’s in the area – from his RV –for some time now, and believes there’s something fishy going on – and many of the listener’s to his pirate radio show agree.

With the jigsaw pieces slowly coming together, Curtis starts to think that all is not well with terra firma. And then it happens; his world begins to open up in front of him – literally. With the little knowledge he has gained, Curtis then begins to do everything he can to keep his family alive and somehow avoid the end of the world.

Obviously director Emmerich is on familiar unstable ground; no-one does the disaster flick better. And 2012 is one hell of a disaster flick. The effects used look incredibly real; so much so that if you saw the same footage on the news, you’d believe the end was nigh. Not only that, but you’re also getting a two-for-the-price-of one deal, which is most appealing in these credit-crunching times.

You see, not only are you getting on land disaster, but in the last third (and due to the film’s length, almost making it a film in its own right) you get a homage to the classic The Poseidon Adventure thrown in for good measure. So in terms of sheer spectacle then, you do indeed get a whole lot of bang for your buck.

As a trade off however, you have to endure not only a silly plot, but the kind of dialogue that makes the type found in similar type disaster films of the seventies, almost Shakespeare-like in quality. Plus the film’s length (around 2 hours 40ish) is at odds with the ratio of people that we follow. Emmerich sets up the premise of it being the end of the world, and during this whole time, we see it through the eyes of a handful of people. It’s a global event, but let’s forget about the rest of the world, and concentrate on just these five people in the US.

That would have been fine and dandy if the audience could care about those said lucky few, but the film doesn’t allow us to. There is simply no emotional connection between the main characters in the film and the rest of the doomed world; people are falling into huge cracks in the earth, or disappearing inside buildings, but our ‘heroes’ could frankly care less.

It appears that they aren’t even that fond of each other. One of the characters, who has been pretty instrumental in moving the group around safely, doesn’t make it to the end. His loss is met with hardly any grieving; in fact his partner actually ends up kissing another man fairly soon after his demise. With this kind of behaviour throughout, it’s difficult for an audience to connect with the main characters themselves.

The only one who shows any real emotion, or personality for that matter, is Woody Harrelson’s quirky character Frost. But sadly, his appearance is all too brief.

What’s also missing is a sense of humour. Considering that John Cusack is more than capable of throwaway quips, his character is numbingly straight laced. There’s also a missed opportunity with the casting of the hugely talented Oliver Platt as high-ranking government official Carl Anheuser; he has the ability to inject a welcome shot of light relief at any given time, but here he’s given a bland authoritative role, who is just, dull, dull, dull.

Other cast members do their best with what they’ve got, but the likes of Danny Glover, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Thandie Newton can’t polish the proverbial poos they’ve been given. It’s actually embarrassing that Ejiofor and Newton have to embark on one of the most pointless romances in film history. When their characters are together, they have about as much chemistry as two boiled eggs.

Although 2012 is clearly a disaster film, its biggest fault line is the shallowness of both plot and characters. It would have been perfect as a silent film, but sadly it isn’t. Just be prepared that the time you invest in it, may well be the biggest tragedy of all.