Streaming services have certainly come into their own recently, providing much-needed entertainment to the global masses in lockdown.

And although Disney have arrived relatively late to the party, their timing has been perfect in terms of bringing welcome relief to parents around the world, with their abundance of family friendly content.

It has also given them the opportunity to stream their latest feature Artemis Fowl, which was set for a big screen release, before the deadly virus came for us all.

Living in the rather grand Fowl Manor in Ireland is 12-year-old genius Artemis Fowl jr. (Ferdia Shaw). Although incredibly clever, it doesn’t help with his loneliness, as his father, Fowl Snr. (Colin Farrell), is away on business much of the time.

Artemis gets worried after not hearing from his father in a while, and he has good reason to be so, as he soon gets a message stating that he’s being held to ransom. If he wants his father back, Artemis is told he has to get his hands on the Aculos within three days, or he never sees his dad again.

Not knowing anything about this object, Artemis does his research and discovers it’s a precious artefact connected with the fairy kingdom. To most, fairies are mythical creatures that appear in children’s stories but Artemis is aware, through the work his father has done, that they are all too real.

If he is to have any chance of getting his father back, he will need to reach out to the fairies for their help, one way or another. But with ill feeling towards humans within the fairy community as it is, with some plotting to take over humankind, retrieving the Aculos will be far from easy.

With (Sir) Kenneth Branagh having already helmed fantasy titles such as Thor and the live-action version of Cinderella, Disney must have thought they couldn’t ask for a safer pair of hands for this project. How wrong they were.

This film has all the elements, on paper at least, that should come together nicely; mythical creatures, space ships, children in peril etc. Unfortunately none of them gel into anything remotely entertaining.

It feels wrong picking on a young actor making his acting debut no less, but Shaw is just awful as the lead character. He never really looks comfortable in the role, but he certainly isn’t helped by awkward hair and hardly ever blinking throughout which is somewhat disturbing.

But he’s not the only one. Even Judi Dench’s involvement is embarrassing, playing a fairy with the weirdest accent, and a voice so gravelly that she must have a smoking habit of at least 80 a day.

The only one to come out of this with some dignity intact is Josh Gad, who single-handedly brings wit and humour to proceedings, playing an oversized dwarf.

Although the material on which the film is based – Eoin Colfer’s young adult novel of the same name, published in 2001 – may well have been a magical read, this adaptation is simply pedestrian nonsense, lacking any kind of sparkle, magic or personality.

Branagh may well have been a fan of the source material, but his vision of it does not translate to the screen at all well. With absolutely no aspect of it engaging whatsoever, it’s certainly not a flagship title for any streaming service, And Disney+ + Artemis Fowl = a very poor result indeed for all concerned.