As many of the more discerning of you will already know, Machete started life as a fake trailer in 2007’s Grindhouse double bill. It was there to help further promote the whole B movie experience. Robert Rodriguez, who directed the Planet Terror half of Grindhouse, clearly thought however, that Machete had legs. As well as, you know, a big fuck-off knife.

Cracking down on crime in Mexico is no easy task, but it’s slightly easier with Machete (Danny Trejo) on your side. He’s a Federale who takes no prisoners – literally, as he dispenses his own brand of razor-sharp justice.

He meets his match however when he confronts the notorious drug kingpin Torrez (Steven Seagal). When Torrez gets the better of him, a badly injured Machete makes his way to Texas, where he hopes to disappear and forget the tragedy behind him.

But trouble always knows how to find him, as he soon gets involved in a plot to kill State Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who is far tougher on immigration than the public realise. When Machete gets double-crossed, the largest can of whoop-ass imaginable is opened.

Although he gains the help of taco queen Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) and I.C.E Agent Sartana (Jessica Alba), Machete is an army of one, and he’s on one hell of a war path.

Robert Rodriguez has certainly stayed true to not only the promise made by his fake trailer, but also in paying homage to grindhouse cinema.

On the surface at least, Rodriguez has gone to considerable trouble to make this film look as lo-fi as possible. The irony of course, is that what came naturally to many of the original grindhouse films, comes at quite a cost today, with the use of CGI to replicate the effects. All in all though, it was worth it as it’s a gorgeous looking rip-off.

Rather unusually for Rodriguez, the film does get a bit bogged down with a story that could get a nose bleed from taking the highest of grounds morally. He’s not really one for tackling political issues, but immigration is at the heart of this one.

Thankfully though, he does manage to dress it up with gratuitous amounts of sex and violence. It’s all splendidly over the top, to the extent that Machete deserves his own infomercial – yes, he slices and dices that much.

There are a few surprises along the way, not least of them is in the appearance of Robert De Niro; it’s good to see one of cinema’s most iconic actors letting his hair down and having some fun – rather here than all that focking about.

And no, Don Johnson isn’t dead (although his career arguably is), as he turns up as one of the bad guys here. Talking of which, we’re not sure who’s keeping Jefferson Parish, Louisiana safe, as Steven Seagal has had his acting Equity card renewed so he can play the main baddie in this film. TV’s Lawman makes a welcome return to the big screen, and although it’s the first time he’s played a bad apple, he clearly relishes the opportunity.

Even the fact that regular jailbird Lindsay Lohan has a small role doesn’t taint cinematic proceedings.

Without a doubt though, this is Trejo’s show all the way. His looks may be over-chiselled to be a regular leading man, but Machete is a character he was born to play.

It’s difficult not to get frustrated with Rodriguez – he is, after all, making yet another heinous Spy Kids flick (the fourth) – particularly when he can deliver such deliciously gruesome fare as this, for an over eighteen audience with an insatiable appetite for his work.

As far as disturbing mainstream cinema goes and giving it a welcome fright, nothing sticks the knife in quite like Machete.