They say if you remember the eighties, then you just have to live with the embarrassment. This film, based on the hit musical of the same name, attempts to relive this decade through the power of rock, but all it manages to do is ask the question: the eighties weren't this bad were they?

Stepping off of the bus from Oklahoma, budding singer Sherrie (Julianne Hough) is excited about living the dream in Hollywood. But her dream has a nightmare start when a local runs off with her luggage. Local barman Drew (Diego Boneta) feels bad for her, and sees if he can get her a job at his club the Bourbon. Luckily for Sherrie, its owner Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) agrees to take her on as a waitress.

It doesn't take long before a blossoming romance begins between Sherrie and Drew. That's the power of rock for you. But rock is a fickle beast, and can destroy just as easily as it creates, as Sherrie and Drew soon discover.

Playing their farewell gig at the venue it all began for them is Arsenal (the band, not Arsene Wenger's cupless wonders), fronted by rock legend Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise). Jaxx has decided to leave the band to concentrate on his solo career; problem is, with the amount of alcohol that is constantly in his bloodstream, concentrating doesn't come easy to him.

When Sherrie learns that the band Dennis had booked to play support at the gig have dropped out, she immediately pushes Dennis into giving Drew and his band a chance on stage. And what do you know, Dennis agrees.

Meanwhile, Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones), wife to Mayor Mike (Bryan Cranston), decides that the strip needs to be well and truly cleaned up and focuses her attention on getting rid of the Bourbon.

When rock legend Jaxx finally turns up, it looks like the Bourbon will be saved. His arrival however, has repercussions on Sherrie and Drew, tearing the once loved-up couple apart. Can rock find the power to bring the two together again?

Russell, it'll take more than a lolly to let me put your hand up my- oh lord, there you go!!!

There's something annoyingly tepid about every aspect of this film. It may well list a number of dubiously titled song 'classics' from the era, but they are delivered in such a watered down fashion that even tribute acts of the bands included would be embarrassed by the performances.

Much of it is down to the two young stars of the film, who perform with the rock gusto of a Barbie and Ken. They have about as much sparkle as a black hole. The only thing their performances does is illustrate how talented the Glee cast members are in comparison. In fact that show, despite its blatant and obvious wetness, has still managed to give rock classics more of an edge than can be found here.

Both are given songs that were sung with real fire in the belly, but can only deliver them with an X-Factor , karaoke quality about them.

Thank god for Tom Cruise, or so the producers thought. Unfortunately for all concerned, Cruise may well be a great actor, but even he can't pull off being a rock star. His attempt is flaky at best, and is just completely devoid of attitude. Even he would have to admit that this role was an impossible mission.

So if the rock songs that feature heavily in your film lack real rock, what do you have left? Well, not very much. The story is about as flimsy as they get; it would have been better if the actors simply linked to each song with the line "I know a song about...waiting for a girl like you/knowing what love is/fighting this feeling etc", without having to embarrass themselves in attempting to act in-between songs.

And then there's Russell Brand, who it appears, attempts a brummie accent throughout; it transpires he's just as successful at it as he has been with his acting career to date.

They say that if you remember Rock of Ages, it's just like the eighties themselves - utterly forgettable.